Thanks

I had a health scare this week. I'm probably fine, but it was a legitimate fear for a while there, and I'm still calming down from being relieved. But what it revealed was that I'm pretty happy with the way things are. For the past few days, I've been thinking, "If the news is bad, will I move back to NYC so I can get better treatment? Will I quit any of my jobs or my MFA? Will I watch more/less tv, read more/fewer books, eat with abandon, never work out, buy more clothes--what?"

Every tree I barked up, though, yielded the same answer: nope, I think I'll keep doing what I'm doing. I love writing and my MFA (LOVE IT!! Will be totally bereft when it's over), but I don't want to work fewer jobs, because I need human contact and the scrapes of $$. I really don't want to move back to NYC right now, even though I'd have the best reason ever, because I want to live with my honey (fiancee!), and as for KY, well, I've grown accustomed to its face. Don't worry, I do NOT want to be there forever, but I couldn't re-enter NYC in quite the same way as I was there before, and there are a lot of things keeping me tied to KY, honey aside. As for reading, eating, sleeping, even working out--I want to do it all pretty much the same as before. The occasional milkshake and doughnut are mm-mm-great, and they keep away the cravings, but when I eat too much, the head gets spinny and the energy gets lugey. I've grown to actually sort of like working out (nooo!) As for clothes--well, maybe someday, I'll have a use for more fancy ones, but honestly, that's something I like about KY: very little need to look trendy. (Then again, my many day jobs don't require too much fance, either.)

So, on the anniversary of so much pain, and in the face of the fear or real and terrible lifestyle change, I'm actually feeling startlingly at peace. Well, getting there. Let's let the bruising go down first.

I wish all of you well

~ Cake